It’s been awhile

And I’ve been away a million miles

 

Seems like pain provides the clearest reception

Positions me in slow pondering perception

And guilt

Is my shadow, only perceptible in your light

Strange how my mind feels lighter at night

Cause in the morning,

It’s a bag of bent-back bricks

And the world’s words

May as well be stones and sticks

 

Sometimes doubt asks if you’re listening

Wouldn’t blame you if you aren’t

No one likes an overplayed recording

Forgive me

Forgive me

Forgive me for my considerations

Thoughts and theories tempting alterations

I don’t want to leave

But all I have is this mustard seed

And I struggle to believe

Cause all I am

And nothing I do

Is enough

And I fear all I know is no more than a bluff

 

And,

Forgive me,

But how could you possibly love me?

I am the toxic to your relationship

Call you up just to dump all my shit

 

Some call you the adult imaginary friend

A way to talk to ourselves,

A way to cope with our story’s end

Please be real!

Oh, God,

Please be real!

These regurgitated songs and prayers

Are just someone else denying what I feel

 

And lately I feel hyper critical

My thoughts cyclically cynical

Self-medicating my sick head

Trying to distract my inner child

From playing with the dead

 

And while I’m being honest with you,

Too often I don’t know what to think, say, or do

Cause adulting is difficult

And life’s fog is thick

I’m manually driven

But struggle to shift the stick

And I can’t see the bottom

Nor wrap you in my head

To see would be easy

But I must have faith instead

 

Forgive me…

 

I hope you heard every word

I hope “child me” still lives

And being an adult is still absurd


MEW

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

2 thoughts on “Dear God

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