I’m scared

I’m fully afraid of my thought patterns,

how

I consistently construct labyrinths of restitution.

I never rest complexity

until the pointillism of details

produce meaning.

 

I can assure you

it’s not over-thinking,

it’s called being preemptively proactive.

The only issues are

the impossible variables and

this annoying inability to predict the future.

 

I’m bridled by uncertainties

and know it.

I dance on the strings of all my concerns

’til my tongue hangs limb

and my feet sway in the breeze.

I think myself into paralysis.

I play games of perpetual check

with a full chess board.

I am gradually turning to granite

and rationalizing myself to death and —

I’m so fucking done being afraid to live!

 

I’m so done…

 

All I know is I don’t know that much.

I find myself thinking more of change,

wondering whether being me is a concept truly free.

Or just swaddled in bubble-wrap.

 

To change may not be all that scary,

but I’m terrified of the maybe’s

and what I may be.

 

I can’t ever recognize a mistake until after I’ve fallen,

but to have never jumped is forever the truest mistake.

 

So, I’m taking a stand,

possibly laying new foundations in sand,

and proclaiming —

 

Caution can suck my heart’s dick!

The past can take it up the ass!

And the future,

you elusive rainbow unicorn,

I’ll see you when I get there.


– MEW

Photo by Nghia Le on Unsplash

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