Presently? As in, right now, here in this moment? As in  

Right, I apologize. It’s just, you see, timing is everything. For example: I’m not much of a morning person, so if you were to inquire about my “state of happiness” as the sun jabs its rays through my eyelids, I’d direct a rather long and creative list of profanities in your direction.

I am not ‘avoiding the question.’ I take great offense at your insinuation. I am no coward, friend. On the contrary, I merely seek to specify the…criteria of your question. You musn’t be so vague. Happy? I mean, what is it, truly? It’s such an incredibly general term  

…!

I’m ridiculous? Says you speaking in such broad strokes.

…!

It is most certainly not ‘a simple question.’ Layers, dear friend, layers! And perspectives, values, standards, expectations     the definition itself only permits a temporal experience.

Yet we must live it out day by day. Paint the corners of our mouths like crescent moons. Flash our teeth amiably in their rows as though everyone’s mouth isn’t a modal cemetery, the tombstones all neatly packed together in the dark.

Meanwhile our eyes have already iced over like a dirty pond in winter, micro sleeping through routine. We check our watches to wish ourselves to the next weekend, to the next job, to the next paycheck, to the next milestone, until we come to rest under a stone baring our name.

To list the legacy of a life as two paltry dates…such reduction…all the irrelevant effort…to be happy.

No.

No, I’m not happy. But I am grateful.

For the pain…the failure…the constant struggle that reminds me nothing good ever comes easy.

That everything happens for a reason.

That I’m alive and living.

No, I don’t think I can live happy, but I can certainly live grateful. It’s the most honest form of happiness.

So, tell me, friend…are you happy?


– MEW, 2019

Photo by Joshua Ness on Unsplash

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